Look for Reasons to Be Happy

February 14, 2013 — dorkydeb

If you’ve followed my blogs for awhile, you know that one of my dorky traits, is that I like collecting heart-shaped rocks.  They make me smile.

I was out looking for some the other day, right after a rain. I didn’t find any heart-shaped rocks, but I did find two heart-shaped wet spots on rocks, from the light rain.  And that made me smile.

Here’s one of them:
(You can click on it, to make it larger if you can’t see the heart.)

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I really believe that we should look for reasons to be happy. Don’t just wait around, hoping happiness will fall from the sky and bump you on the head. Actively look for reasons to be happy.

Today is Valentine’s Day, a holiday that some people love and other people hate. Many say that Valentine’s Day is not a “real” holiday.  Well, who’s to say what is, or is not, a real holiday?

Of course I don’t give Valentine’s Day the sort of importance that I give Christmas or Easter. But I enjoy Valentine’s Day.  It’s fun.

And it can be fun even if you don’t have a romantic partner in your life.  You can share something happy and kind with anyone you love.

I love my husband, my children, my family, my friends and my readers.  I wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Why not?

We could make up a “Happy Sunshine Day” to celebrate happy sunny days, and I’d be cool with that too.

I’m cool with virtually any reason to be happy.

Life is way too stressful.

Enjoy the little stuff.

It doesn’t have to be a big production. It certainly doesn’t have to be commercialized, or expensive.

Just have a little fun.

So with that in mind…

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Posted in Holidays, Photos. 1 Comment »

Secret Santas, End of Year Stats, and New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2012 — dorkydeb

Since I last posted, things have been a bizarre mix of crazy and calm.  I’ve had some better MG days, and another bad MG crash. (Totally my own fault there. I had a great day and busted my butt cleaning house and doing other things that had been driving me nuts. Which resulted in me over-doing it, and not laying down to rest all day long, because I thought I didn’t need to.  And then it all caught up to me all at once and I paid for it in a big way later that night.  You would THINK I would learn by now, but apparently I’m pretty dense.)

We had a happy Christmas, and some major stress.  We had our furnace go out again, and had to have it repaired again.  Will and Emma had a great Christmas. Ella managed to speak a few times and said some totally awesome things, and she said one thing that was incredibly sad and left me praying for emotional strength (more on that later).

She did new things this Christmas, and did them well.  She also had a bad reaction to a new food we tried, that has triggered a major set back.  She is having issues that haven’t been a problem in at least 6 months. And the bruises on my body are a visible sign of the extreme tantrums that she has been having at times. Trying to help her through this has been heart breaking. I believe we are starting to see a little improvement yesterday and today (slight, but there), so I am cautiously optimistic that she may be starting to come out of this. It is shocking what one bad food reaction can do to her.

I will try to update on all of the Ella stuff (good and bad) over on Enduring the Silence, when I have more time.

But for now, I just wanted to touch base, and make one last post here for 2012. It’s been another crazy year of highs and lows – thus is life.  You have to learn to dance in the rain.

Speaking of dancing in the rain, we had a couple of different “Secret Santas” that blessed my children this year. And for that I really cannot say enough thank-yous.  We received a package from a secret Santa from Illinois.

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When we got the call from the post office that we had a package over there (yes, we got a call – our post office is cool, in a stepping-back-into-Mayberry sort of way), she said “I’m trying to get all of the packages out of here before I close, can you guys come over and get yours?”  We were like, “Package, what package?”

We had no idea we had a package there.  With an Ella in meltdown mode, it wasn’t a good time for us to leave and Patty (the post office lady) was shutting down in less than 30 minutes.  So my parents offered to take our key over and pick up our package and mail.  It had presents for each of the kids.  Including Christmas socks, puzzles, and an adorable little bear.   :)

Our church wanted to make sure that the kids had a happy Christmas as well.  I love each and every member of that church.  It is a small church, but with a loving and huge heart.  They are what a church should be. And not because they helped out my kids (although that was wonderful), but because they are truly Godly people and they have never stopped caring for me and praying for me, in spite of the fact that I can no longer physically attend there.  They may not be large enough to have a large youth group and a sound system and 500 other fancy things.  But I can send my children there with confidence that they will meet and know the sort of people that I want them to grow up knowing Christians can be.  Not a church full of judgement and nastiness (I’ve visited a few of those in the past).  But a church that is like family.  People who were good to me growing up (and still are) and whom I know will be good to my children.

And another mystery “Secret Santa” left a bag of goodies next door at my parent’s house, that included toys and a $50 iTunes gift card that will go a long way in helping buy autism therapy apps for Ella’s iPad.

I don’t mean to imply that Christmas is primarily about gifts, my kids know the true meaning of Christmas. I don’t feel that there is a conflict between that and gift-giving, as long as things are kept in perspective.  I taught my children that the reason that we give gifts is to celebrate Jesus’ birthday.  I tell them that we can’t physically put a gift in Jesus’ hands, so we give gifts to loved ones, in celebration of his birth.  And we have a birthday cake for Jesus each Christmas.  :)

Typically we have a plain white cake with white icing.  But this year, the kids had cupcakes and lemon pie for Jesus’ birthday.  :)

(Oh and for the negative naysayers that like to rant about the fact that Jesus wasn’t born exactly on December 25th, we know that.  Our kids know that too.  But they also know that it is the intent that matters, not the exact date.  As I explained it to them, if their birthday falls on a Monday, and we celebrate it on a Saturday instead, it is no less a celebration of their birth.  Same goes for Jesus.  It matters not to me that we have the exact date, what matters to me is the intention behind our celebration.)  

I’m not even going to try to figure out who our Secret Santa’s were.  I thought about trying to figure it out at first, because I am a curious sort after all, but then I decided that it is much more magical to just leave it the way that it is.

So whomever you are, we thank you.  You surprised us immensely and brought big smiles to our faces.

I hope everyone reading here had a wonderful Christmas and for my last post in 2012, I want to thank each of you who take the time to read the posts I write here.  According to my statistics page, my readership now includes 97 countries!  That’s so neat.  And a little freaky too.  LOL!

I know that my posts often range widely – from absolute silly non-sense to serious matters, and my lack of the “required” blog theme topic is considered a no-no in the blogging world – yet you read what I write and care about my little family and our adventures all the same.  And I love ya for it!

:)

Happy New Year!

 

Posted in Around the house, Autism, Blogging, Health, Holidays, MG. 1 Comment »

Thankful for…

November 22, 2012 — dorkydeb

This year I am primarily thankful simply to be here. Life is so short and so precious. I am grateful for each day that I get to spend with my children, being their mother.  After some of the things I have been through, and the illness that haunts my day-to-day life, I am constantly reminded that nothing is to be taken for granted.  So, that is first and foremost on my mind today.  These are some other things that I am thankful for…

God

I cannot express how grateful I am for God’s presence in my life. I know that I would not be here today without his intervention. Not only that, but God has brought me peace in the middle of nightmares, and the strength to keep fighting everyday, regardless of circumstance.  God gives me a beautiful world to enjoy and a wonderful family to experience life with. If you don’t have a closeness with God, I would encourage you to simply talk to him. It doesn’t have to be fancy words. God loves all of us.  If you want to live a happier, more fulfilled life, Joyce Meyer has some great advice on everyday living.

Family

I quite simply do not know what I would do without them.  My children are my reason for living. My husband says that I am so stubborn that I would fight to survive even if I had never become a mother.  And perhaps he is right.  But what I know for certain, is that when I struggle the most, it is the thought of those little people who need me the most, that helps me keep going.

I am thankful for my son, Will and his kind and generous heart.  I am thankful that he is so responsible and trustworthy. He is wise beyond his years. Even as a baby, people called him “an old soul”.  I am thankful he is so intelligent, it will take him far in life. Will is someone that I can always rely on. I am thankful for his love of science and God, and the fact that he doesn’t see any conflict between the two. Teaching him is a joy.

I am thankful for my daughter, Emma, and her character.  She is kind and loving. She is absolutely hilarious to be around. She is by far, the funniest person I have ever known. I am thankful for her music and artistic talent. I love to look at the things she creates. I am thankful for her love of nature. Being outdoors with her, is like being outdoors with my former 8-year-old self.  LOL!

I am thankful they are both so good to Ella. They never treat her as a burden. She is simply one of them. They are her defenders, protectors, and her playmates.

I am thankful for my little Miss Ella Rose. I am so thankful for the progress that she has made, and continues to make. I am thankful that she is so clever, even when she is ornery. I am thankful for the bond that she has with each of us. I am especially thankful for the bond she has with me. My husband always says to me, “She needs you like she needs air.”

I am thankful that she is stubborn, like her Momma.  ;)  She has hurdles to cross and she will need my fighting spirit. When she was younger I used to say, “Watch out world, there’s now a red-headed version of me!”  And I meant it! She wants to conquer the world. And I believe that someday, she just might.

My husband is my very best friend. I know some people say that. But we truly mean it. We drive each other nuts sometimes. But given the amount of time we spend together, it’s a miracle that we get along as well as we do.  We laugh more than any couple I have ever known. And we’ve now been together long enough that we can have entire conversations that I’m sure no one else would begin to understand, full of nicknames and slang terms that nobody else would even begin to “get”.  Just the other day we had an entire conversation without saying a word. It was merely a series of looks and laughter that said it all.  Later I said, “That’s what happens when you’ve been together over a decade, we don’t even need words to have an entire conversation!”   LOL

My parents are my rock.  My mother is known by all, for her kindness towards others. My father is the hardest working man I’ve ever known. They are always doing things for others. There are not words for what they have done for me and my family. I can always count on them. I don’t know what I would do without them. And they are the very best grand-parents.

My extended family, while I do not get to see them as often as I would like anymore, I am still grateful for each and every one of them. When I was young I didn’t realize how special my extended family was.  I thought the things that they did and the way that they treated each other was just “normal”.  It has been with age and experience that I have found that what should be “normal” for all families, is most certainly not. At least not for many.  And that is sad.  It has caused me to appreciate my family even more.

I am forever grateful for my church family. I know some people say “church family” and they mean it in some bizarre-sounding overly-religious speak, referring to 200 people they go to church with.  But for me my church family is a very small group of wonderful people that I quite literally grew up with. It is a small country church. At times I attended other churches (on days when they didn’t have services, etc.) and I have never ever felt the feeling that I had there, anywhere else.  They might be a tiny group. But you walk through those doors and you feel the peace of being in a good place. Now that I am unable to attend due to illness, they don’t forget me. They have never forgotten me.  And that is really saying something.  Because when you aren’t well and you can’t get out and do things with people, often times they do forget you. My church family has never done that. They are good to my kids too. When my children head off to church there, I know they will not be led astray.  I can teach them all about God right here, church is not required for that.  But there they can see an example of a church of love and caring – an example of what a church group should be.   I have been to other churches that weren’t like that.  And it’s very important to me that my children see a group of Christians for what they can be.  People that truly love and care for others.

Friends

I am so thankful for my friends.  Friends are the people that stick around when they don’t have to.  There is no real obligation.  They are simply there because they want to be.  And that’s awesome. I appreciate my “real-life” friends who make that effort to keep in touch.  That don’t mind what I am, or am not able to do, and still treat me as me.

My blog readers, who have become my friends.  I love hearing your thoughts and talking to you. I am so grateful that we “met”!

My MG support group friends – otherwise known as the-people-who-”get-it”.  :)  There are days when they are the only people in the world with whom I feel that I can relate. Understanding, while simple, can be a beautiful thing.

Caring Professionals

I am thankful for the caring professionals in this world.  Those that I have come in contact with, and especially those who have helped my Ella.  And extra special thankfulness for Ella’s speech therapist, Amber.  She is awesome!

Nature and Sunshine

I am thankful for nature and all the wonders in it. I am thankful for the balance in life.  I am thankful for all the details in the world, the softness of moss under my bare feet, or the feel of a warm summer rain. I am thankful for the squirrels and the chipmunks that I can watch play from my bedroom window, even when I don’t feel able to get out of bed.  I am thankful for the turkey vultures that soar overhead, the woodpeckers that pound on the trees, the Carolina Wrens that eat the spiders from outside my windows, and the mallard ducks that come to visit me.

I am thankful for sunshine.  It lifts my spirits.  I need sunshine. So much so, that my husband teases me that “Debbies are solar powered”.

Pets

I am thankful for pets, that bring us so much comfort.  From my dogs to my kitties, I love them all so much.  They have a way of bringing comfort, without even saying a word.  I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll say it again….. if humans were as honest as dogs, the world would be a much better place.

Freedoms

I am thankful for freedoms.  Like the right to bear arms and protect one’s family.  The right to vote.  The right to educational freedoms, like the ability to choose to homeschool our children.  Deciding to homeschool our children has been the very best decision I have ever made in my entire life. I am grateful for the freedom to do it.

Technology

The internet, that allows me to keep in touch with others and allows me to have access to tons of information in a moment’s notice.  For a social and curious person like me, being able keep in touch with my friends and being able to find information on almost any topic within a matter of minutes, is something I really appreciate.

The digital camera that allows me to capture personal memories for our family and the beauty that God put into nature, and take that beauty back inside with me.

Ella’s iPad which has meant so much to her, educationally (things she has been able to learn), physically (therapy for her fine motor skills), and emotionally (in the sense of accomplishment she gets out of how talented she is with the iPad).  And I am grateful for all the other technology that makes our lives easier and better each and everyday.

Music

I am thankful for music.  From the music that I grew up hearing as a child… my mother playing the piano, my dear friend Joyce on the piano, my grandmother on the guitar, my grandfather on the fiddle… to the instruments that I played myself, music brings so much emotion and memories. To this day I cannot hear a fiddle without crying, because it makes me miss my Grandpa so very much. The hymns, that bring peace and comfort to an aching soul, the upbeat songs that get me through a day, my daughter singing a song as she bops her way throughout the house, – whatever it may be, music creates a very real response in people. It is an art form that I truly appreciate.

Online Shopping

I am thankful for online shopping.  Particularly “black Friday” sales, when I am able to take a body that is unable to fight the crowds, a budget that is unable to go very far, and I am able to stretch that out and find things that my children will love, for a fraction of the cost.  I am thankful for Amazon in particular, with their great prices and their free shipping.

I know it might sound silly to include that on my list. But I, in financial terms at least, live a simple life. There are no spontaneous shopping trips.  No video games “just because”.  For the most part, the only times my children receive non-necessities are Christmas and birthdays.  My children know what Christmas is all about.  I have taught them that Christmas is a celebration of Jesus’ birthday.  I tell them that because we cannot physically hand a gift to Jesus, we give gifts to our loved ones instead. They are great little people. Because they are far from spoiled, they really appreciate the things that they receive. Things are not taken for granted. And I love seeing big smiles on their faces!

Those are some of the things that I feel thankful for today. Thank you for reading along with me!
I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

 :)

Posted in Challenges, Holidays, WEGO. Tags: . 2 Comments »

Simple Things

July 21, 2012 — dorkydeb

I saw the above image today on Facebook and I loved it, because it is so true. I am a firm believer in enjoying the simple things in life. And I think that the tougher things get, the more important it is to try to keep my mind on what I have to be thankful for. There are many things to be thankful for, but I thought I would share something that happened during the extended power outage.

After I was home from the hospital, but we still had no power – I won’t lie, things were tough. They were more than tough, they were scary. I was still having weakness, problems breathing, and muscle tremors due to heat-related issues with my MG.

But something so special and simple happened one night during the outage. It was our wedding anniversary and my husband and I were laying in bed. He told me that he loved me and he knew that things were tough right now, but in many ways, he didn’t think he had ever been more content and happy in his life.

He took my hand and as we laid there holding hands, the room started to light up. At first it startled me.

It is very dark out in the country at night, especially during a power outage. So any sudden light is a bit of a surprise. But a sudden light directly over our bed, was particularly surprising.

I said, “What is that?”

Then I realized what it was, a lightening bug!

Through the crack in the seal by the tiny window AC that was keeping me alive (via gasoline powered generator), we had been getting a few tiny moths into our room occasionally at night. But not a single lightening bug, not until that night.

First there was one, then quickly there were more.

We laid there, quietly watching the air above our bed, as it lit up over and over again. I counted six, then seven lightening bugs.

We were married on the seventh day of the seventh month.

Perhaps if I were a more talented writer, I could capture for you just how special that moment was.

I know there are people out there who don’t believe that God has the time for little things, like sending seven lightening bugs on just a certain night. But I believe that he does. I believe God finds many ways show us love and encouragement along our journey in life.

It might not have been exactly the way we would have planned to spend our wedding anniversary. But it was pretty amazing all the same.

I am grateful for that moment, just laying there holding hands, watching our room light up for hours. It was truly magical. 

 

Posted in Around the house, Blogging, Holidays. 5 Comments »

MG and Father’s Day

June 17, 2012 — dorkydeb

(Fair warning: this post ran longer than I had planned. But these are things I needed to say.)

When you aren’t the healthiest person in the world, there are many “downsides”.  But there are also a few “upsides”.

For me personally, one of the hardest things about not (physically) being my old self, is loosing certain aspects of independence.  I hate relying on others. I loathe it. I’d like to be the one doing things for other people. I used to be that person. Now I’m often the one needing help with things.

I won’t lie, or try to sugar-coat it – it mostly sucks.  BUT one of the benefits of being in this situation is that I learn who actually cares about me. I learn what friends and family members are actually there for me, and which ones just said the words for years, when there was no action needed behind the words.

Anyone can be around when it’s convenient for them, or when you can do things for them. True friends are those who are there for you, even when circumstances change.

Often who that turns out to be, and not to be, is surprising. Some people I thought were so close to me, people I had personally been there for when they needed something – totally bailed on me when I needed them.  Does it hurt?  Of course. But you learn to move on.  Better to realize now, than continuing to be close to someone that never really cared that much about you in the first place.  That’s why I call it a benefit.

Those people aren’t in my life at all now, and while it may have been painful at the time, I now think it’s for the best. Who wants a fake friend anyway? I want people in my life that care about me, as I care about them.

Those of us with chronic illness may not have a ton of people close to us, but the ones we do have – are the ones that really matter.

What does this have to do with Father’s Day?  Well, that’s pretty simple.  The two men in my life that are always there for me – are my father and my husband.

I remember when I was first officially diagnosed with MG.  I knew that whatever I was about to embark on wasn’t going to be good, when my neurologist asked, “Do you have a good support system?”

I was like, “What?”

I’ve been through many medical things, but I’ve never had a doctor ask me that. Or ever seem to care about such a thing – so kudos to him for caring.

He wanted to know about what people I had around me. Who did I have that I could lean on, count on?  Did I have a good support system?  I said, “Yeah. I’ve got my husband, and my Mom & my Dad.”  He said, “Do your parents live far away?” I said, “No, they live next door.”  He said, “Good. Good. You will need them.”

Was he ever right about that! I have needed my family more in the past 3 years than I ever have in my adult life. Thank God they are good people, and their love for me is real.

Since this post is about Father’s Day, I’m going to talk mostly about my Dad and my husband. But just to make one thing clear – I have a great mom!  She is kind, loving, fair, and a wonderful grandmother. My Mom is so soft-hearted.

If there were a dictionary with the words “hard-working responsible Dad” in it, my father’s picture would be beside of it.  He worked so hard when I was growing up that I often didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him. He drove a tractor-trailer, so he was often gone or asleep when I was awake because his work schedule was often the opposite of my school schedule. Now that he’s retired, he still works every bit as hard (just on different things). He’s always doing something for someone. He takes care of the yard work for his own property and several others who aren’t able to do it themselves, not to mention two church grounds. But now he manages to squeeze in a little more time for hunting and fishing. He’s always doing something.

Now that he’s retired, I get to see him more and that’s great!  It’s funny to say that you see your Dad more at 34 years old than you did at as a kid, but it’s the truth!

This is one of my favorite photographs of my Dad and I. We are FAR from looking our best here. LOL! But it means so much to me, because it symbolizes how my Daddy has always been there for me. You see, we always gathered at my Grandma’s house for Christmas, the whole family. And sometimes my Dad or one of my uncles would miss Christmas, due to the shift work schedules they had. This particular year, Dad told me he wouldn’t be able to make it. And I was so sad. I remember asking him to please come anyway.When my Dad made it home after working all night and morning, instead of going to bed, he came to Gram’s too and spent the day sitting sleepily beside me. And I was so happy he made it! That is why I love this picture.

My Dad takes care of so much for so many people.  There are a lot of people that have, and still do, count on my Dad. And I think some of them didn’t even realize how much.  But I do. He’s the best Dad I could have ever asked for.

I kind of feel like my parents got the shaft. My brother is in Heaven, and all they’ve got is me.  So I think it’s kind of unfair to them, that they have to worry about me. But I guess nobody said life was fair, it just is what it is. I’d like to think that I bring something good to their lives, even if it isn’t as much as I’d like to be able to do.  And of course, I did give them 3 darling grandchildren – and really – how could I be considered useless after that???  Because those kids are AWESOME!    ;)

Then there’s my husband. I doubt that when my husband married a woman 10 and half years younger than him, he thought he’d be the one taking care of me.  But that’s what people that love each other do. They take care of each other. I think I take care of him too, in my own way.

We’ve been through so many crazy things in our 10+ years together. But we still laugh more than any couple I have ever known. One might think in a household with my illness and with our youngest daughter’s autism, that we might be some seriously stressed out, unhappy people.  But we’re not.  Sure, we have our moments – we are HUMAN after all.  But we have faith in God and hope.  And we are some seriously goofy people that know how to cut up and have a good time.  We laugh every day, many times a day.

When I had so many physical issues after Ella’s birth that doctors couldn’t figure out, my husband had to step up and do many of the “mothering” activities that I could not.  I was dealing with spinal damage from a botched spinal block for my c-section, involving total loss of feeling and reflexes in my right leg.  And I was having a dramatic increase in bizarre neuromuscular symptoms – that we later found out was MG.  But we spent about a year with them telling us I probably had a brain tumor or maybe MS, and doctors trying to get my coverage to approve an MRI.  Fun Times, Fun times.  (NOT!)

My husband & Ella. Jan. 22nd, 2011. This is probably my favorite “father” photo of my husband. With our 1st two, I had pretty much all of the baby duties, as he was busy going to nursing school, doing his clinical rotations, and working. But things were different with Ella. And my little baby, who was very attached to me (and still is) had to learn that she could count on Daddy for stuff she needed too, not just Mommy. At first she didn’t even want to take a bottle from him. She would actually scowl, as if to say, “Mommy is supposed to be feeding me every time!” But she adjusted, and became quite the Daddy’s girl. I took this photo of them one day when they crashed out asleep on the bed together. I think it’s adorable.

I managed pretty well until my fast growing (tall for her age) Ella got too heavy for me to lift.  And that was when my husband really had to take over some of the things I normally did.  Ella has gotten a different type of parenting. I jokingly call it “brute force” parenting.  I swear he handled my delicate little baby like a sack of rice.  I did not approve.  It wasn’t that he did anything “wrong”. He just did nothing like I would have done it. And it drove me crazy.  To be totally honest, it still does.  LOL!!!!

A typical example would’ve been:
(during a diaper change)
Me:  ”Do you have to wipe her that hard?”
Him:  ”Do you want to do it?”
Me:  ”Of course I want to do it, because you’re doing it wrong! But I can’t. So can you please just take your time and wipe her more gently and maybe try not to use 100 diaper wipes per poopy diaper?”
Him:  ”When you can do it, then you can do it the way you want. Until then, I’m doing it this way.”
Me:  ”Ugh!”

In the end, we’ve learned to balance things.  Does it still drive me nuts to not be able to do the stuff I want to do? Of course. But we’ve learned to function in a different way.  I still do a great deal around here. But not the same things I used to do, and definitely not in the same ways. Everything has been modified, adjusted, and duties have been spread out.  Like I tell my kids, we are a team.  There are no “chores” here. We are simply a team, and we all work together doing what we can do, to make things work better for all of us.

Once, Emma (my 8 year old) asked me, “Are Grandma and PawPaw a part of our team too?”  I replied, “Of course they are.”  We might not live with them, but they are absolutely a part of our team.

So thank you to the people on my team: My family and friends that haven’t forgotten me, and most of all, my kids, my mom, and today especially – the father’s in my life – my Dad and my husband.

I love you so very much and I am so blessed to be able to share my life with you.

Love Always,
Deb 

Posted in Around the house, Holidays, Photos. 1 Comment »
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